Her pause for reflection has caused me to do so, as well. "Life's a journey, not a destination," Steven Tyler once said. Though I've changed (grown, hopefully) I haven't arrived anywhere. I've struggled through this last part of the book, the loving part, as I've struggled in my life, lately. It hasn't been painful, it's just been a difficult juggling act: the video shoot, the new job in a restaurant, writing (which has obviously lagged - evident in my lack of focus on this blog) and the relationship. Prayer and meditation has been lacking, too.
Liz seems so self aware. I used to think I was self aware, but I've realized that I still have little idea of what's going on. Liz's book has changed me, changed my outlook, been a catalyst to change in my life.
When Liz was on the island the first time, in the secluded place where she's now taking Felipe, she took herself through a cleansing meditation: "Show me everything that's causing you sorrow . . . show me your anger, now . . . show me your shame . . ." p 327. I've had to go through a similar process, in order to recover from drinking. She was able to forgive herself, and all that was troubling her, she welcomed into her heart until she was empty.
She realized her capacity for love, compassion, forgiveness and then realized God's infinite capacity for these things. "I saw that my heart was not even nearly full, not even after having taken in and tended to all those calamitous urchins of sorrow and anger and shame' my heart could easily have received and forgiven even more. It's love was infinite.
"I know then that this is how God loves us all and receives us all, and there is no such thing in this universe as hell, except maybe in out own terrified minds." p 328
Our own terrified minds . . . that's why we do the horrible things we do to each other, to frighten others into a state where we won't feel so scared. This kind of thinking, I think, exists on a personal, a national, and a global level. Perhaps, that's why some one invented the concept of "hell", to frighten those they wanted to control so they'll behave, get in line. We need order to feel ok.
"Just imagine! - what God, in all His eternal compassion, can forgive and accept."
As humans, our own fears keep us from compassion, forgiveness and acceptance. But, like her Guru said, "Fear - who cares?" So fear is a feeling we capitalize on in each other and ourselves. The only difference between me and the guy who did the thing I was too afraid to do is action . . . he did it! We both feel the fear, but he had the faith and he took the action. Fear is a theme that seems to be coming up a lot for me. Fear (or, at least, my awareness of it) is becoming prevalent. And, as I'm becoming more aware of my fear, I'm getting rather sick of it and its power over me.
Of course, I can't rid myself of it any more than I can rid myself of any other emotion. I will always feel it. I can't fight it. That will just make it worse. But, God can deal with it. As a matter of fact, I really think he should. Of course, that's contingent upon my willingness to let Him.
Procrastination: I've realized that "I don't want to" really means "I'm too scared to." Unless, we're talking about knitting, accounting or "prince alberts" (look it up) - those things I really, truly have no interest in doing.
What will happen if and/or when I get published? What do I do to perpetuate my fears tied up in that? My feelings of inadequacy, of being too old, too dumb, not talented enough, too slow, not creative or imaginative enough, not skilled enough . . . yet,
“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.” Jordan Belfort
"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." Dale Carnegie
"If you are distressed by
anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your
estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." Marcus Aurelius
"When a resolute young fellow
steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the
beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that
it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." Ralph Waldo Emerson
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