Day 5. Jan 4th, 2012 "Letter to God"

In answer to my questions from yesterday (incredible timing!), I decided to take Liz's friend's advice:  "You are part of this universe, Liz (Scott).  You are a constituent - you have every entitlement to participate in the actions of the universe, and to let your feelings be known.  So put your opinion out there.  Make your case.  Believe me - it will at least be taken into consideration."  p. 32

And, like Liz, I wrote a letter to God:

Dear God,

I humbly request your assistance.  I propose to you in your infinite wisdom and your beautiful universe that I write full time.  I feel that while at my job, even though I'm trying to follow your principles, I'm failing at contributing positively to life.  I am being corrosive.  At work I feel like I'm a standard sized cog in a metric machine.  I slip.  I often work well and sort of fit.  But, I slip.  And, the slipping is stripping me away.

Let's be honest here God.  You've been giving me ideas, good ideas, crazy ideas and creative ideas.  I can't see right now how I can fully pursue those ideas with the time I'm allowed.  I don't feel I'm healthily contributing to this world, this universe, this body of life the best I could.  And, it is my understanding, as being a part of this body of life, that I can make specific requests in this matter.  So if you could see fit to aid me in being the artist you created me to be, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Yours truly, and humbly, and sincerely,
with love,
Scott MacKenzie

Her letter was better.  Perhaps she was more desperate . . . or just more articulate.

Of course, the doubts are setting in.  But, "begin where you are" says another book I'm reading.  The letter Liz wrote seems like a message, an omen, something too coincidental to be coincidental.  Consider the following:  Mom reads a book, a non-christian spiritual book and gives it to me, her son, a man, who now has to read the feminine, feel-good, self-actualizing book of the century.  Reluctantly, I look past my insecurities and read it anyway.  I reason that at least it will give me a level on which my mom and I can relate.  Then, I get to the above noted section in the book, on the tails of a sleepless night caused by the idea of writing a book!  Well, it seemed miraculous to me.

So, God, if you don't want me to write these things, stop giving me crazy ideas!  No.  Keep them coming.

In addendum:

If this idea that kept me up for hours is a good one, I humbly request your assistance in bringing the idea to fruition.

Thank you.