Day 8. January 7th, 2012. Loneliness Beats It and I Get The Idea to Write the Blog.

"Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend."

I fall asleep holding my notebook pressed against my chest, open to this most recent assurance. In the morning when I wake up, I can still smell a faint trace of Depression's lingering smoke, but he himself is nowhere to be seen.  Somewhere during the night, he got up and left.  And his buddy Loneliness beat it, too." p 55

Jesus!  She's making me weep now, too!?  She's talking to that inner voice, where our understanding of God resides.  "Saint Teresa called such such divine internal voices 'locutions' - words from the supernatural that enter the mind spontaneously, translated into your own language and offering you heavenly consolation."  p 53

I weep because I identify.  From her I hear a message of hope.  As she escapes from her own bonds, so can I escape from mine.  I wonder how many people have read this book and found hope and freedom.  Or, did they just find it a lovely, funny, well-written story?

Liz wrote to herself.  I used to do that.  I thought it silly at the time.  Maybe, I'll do it again.  Am I friends with myself, yet?  Can I find that inner voice that says to me, "I am your friend, undying.  I will be with you, always.  I will love you, always.  So, let's start loving each other, because this has been a one way street for a long while, too long a while for that matter."?

By the way, Elizabeth Gilbert did have regular, old beginnings (nothing close to what my rants imagined a couple of days ago), nothing for my insanity to judge.  She went after it.  She loved writing and she went after it.  She saw the gift and wanted nothing else but to honor and serve that gift.  She saw it early on.  She didn't get her judgement clouded, hindered, influenced or confused (like I did).  But, God gave her a gift and a lot of pain; and recovery from that pain through a personal journey which seems to have touched millions.  She's got a voice, an approachable voice, a voice with which one can identify.  She's got a voice so she can generously share with others.

And, I'm still not gay.  That could be my title:  "I'm Still Not Gay.  A Man Reads 'Eat, Pray, Love' and Is Changed For the Better."  (This is where I get the idea for the blog, thus making the writing of the first bunch of entries retrospective) Should I write a blog?  Why would people give shit?  Blogs are stupid:  "Ha!  Look at me!  What I have to say is very important!"

I could write an entry a day (the idea was originally for a book, but now it's a blog despite my distaste for them).  I am a slow reader.  This could take while.  "Day 6.  This is the day I get the idea to write the blog" (This is also the day where I decide to define what kind of gay reading "Eat, Pray, Love" doesn't make me.)