In Chapters 97 and 99 (98 was spent on a road trip with Yudhi), Liz finally has sex with Felipe . . . and more sex . . . "When we (she and Yudhi) return to Ubud, I got straight back to Felipe's house and don't leave his bedroom for approximately another month." p 294 "Never have I been so unpeeled, revealed, unfurled and hurled through the event of love-making."
Liz offers a key (or is it instruction) for men: ". . . if a man really touches you gently, caresses your skin, says loving things, kisses you all over your body, takes his time . . . sex can be nice." p 302
How many of us take our time? I guess this question is really for the dudes. How many of us worship our women's bodies the way Felipe worships Liz's? I know, you're probably thinking (like me) try doing that after a year or 10 years, even. Doctors and therapists would have an answer for this. I do not.
I've known how to be animalistic. I've known how to find the woman who wants to be taken and take her. I've learned how to touch and kiss and lick in all the right places and move in all the right ways for the sake of pleasure. Let me stop here and note that I have since begun to learn the difference between love and pleasure . . . or even happiness and pleasure. But, back when I was picking up women, they were usually drunk and horny already, so they were already willing. When a woman is ready and willing all a man has to do is listen to her body and learn how to have a little stamina and well, you're great in bed! However, I imagine the women's insecurities and vulnerabilities were quieted by alcohol. And, great sex is different than great love making. Also, a dude has to eventually consider the cost of continually being a stud in a stranger's bed. Out there in the fictional world created in the deluded male brain (seemingly driven by scientifically suggested animal instinct ingrained in our DNA) the "stud" is the ideal. "The Ladies Man"!
However, the compulsion to please a new woman every night, to somehow win or dominate or achieve the "stud of the year award" leaves you feeling empty. The best I ever felt was the same, never better about myself. I'll stop short of getting entirely too personal here and say this: Even deeper than that urge to sow our oats sits the basic need to be loved. And, random acts of sex has never been a substitute for love. Believe me, I've tried. Maybe other men can do it without guilt or conscience. But, in pursuit of a meaningful life, such actions always left me wanting.
Then, there's sharing with the one you love! Scary! I still feel like I'm clumsy at it. Do I do the things Liz writes about? Yes. I think. At least I've learned how to listen to a woman's body. Without going to into embarrassing detail (I've embarrassed myself enough I think), time and attention with one woman will teach you a lot about what she likes.
Do I have patience, though? Do I really take my time, or do I rush into things and hope she'll catch up? I suppose my fiancee and I could have that conversation that makes the little boy inside me blush and get squirrelly. But, if we're in this for the long haul, I guess we have to learn how to communicate about such things.
Again, how many of us worship the temple that is the woman's body? And, how many woman take care of it, love it and nurture it, themselves. I'm not talking about masturbation (Liz did. I can't). I'm talking about really taking care of yourselves, loving your own self, loving your own bodies (despite what the airbrushed, photo shopped magazines say), providing for yourself and the healthy, strong temples you'd be happy to look at in the mirror. I'd take confident over "perfect" any day, by the way.
Another thing I've learned is that if a woman feels "fat" or "ugly", or if she's feeling insecure or distracted by any thought (hell, even if her back hurts or my stubble hurts!) an orgasm isn't going to happen. But, hey, sometimes "it" doesn't happen. Women still enjoy the act of love making. At least that's what I've been told. Maybe I've been lied to. If that's true, the woman ultimately suffers. If a woman lies about sex with even a halfway decent man she's selling herself short.
Of course, chemistry is the key! See Day 58's entry. I've said enough, probably too much. And, I've even edited myself!
No comments:
Post a Comment