I read more today than usual because I was drawn into the saga of Wayan and her potential new home. It hasn't happened, yet.
Liz wrote more about Felipe, what kind of man he is. She wrote about his character and that she's falling in love with him (he's already fallen in love with her). I can't help but feel sorry for Liz's ex-husband . . . unless, he's a really good man, a strong man who's able to move on (though, by the sound of the painful fights resulting from the divorce, I feel doubtful). I feel bad for the guy who got dumped, only to have his ex-wife go on to live this beautiful life. Unless, of course, he found a way through truly loving her to be happy that Liz is living a joyful life, even though he still hurts a little.
An interesting thing about Felipe: "For some reason," he says. "I feel the same way about you that I felt about my kids when they were small - that it wasn't their job to love me, it was my job to love them. You can decide to feel however you want to, but I love you and I will always love you . . . even if we never see each other again, you already brought me back to life, and that's a lot." p 311
Felipe is a wise man. He seems to have learned how the world works. I feel, again, as if I'm at the beginning. Compared to Felipe, I'm just beginning to see how the world works. It's like I'm just beginning to be shown and he's already been shown. I'm just beginning to learn how to see, to learn, even if I don't like the lessons very much. So, it's my job to love my fiancee and not her job to love me back (especially in the way I think I should be loved - I should strike that notion from my mind).
I should ask myself: How generous am I with my love? Do I put conditions on it? Do I put conditions on my generosity? That's not very generous then is it? Do I rub her feet without any expectation of reciprocation (just an example)? Do I resent having to do it because I haven't gotten anything in return?
God asks me to be kind. loving and generous. As far as I know, he doesn't ask me to stop these things when I think I'm not getting what I deem the proper amount of love in return. I'm just realizing now that I don't know how to love unconditionally yet. Perhaps, that comes from the fact that I don't know how to love myself unconditionally, yet. I guess I have to learn how to accept myself, "warts and all", before I can learn to accept my fiancee, "warts and all".
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