Day 22. January 29th, 2012 The Truth Hurts, So Get Used To It

I was right!  Or, at least I was given clarity of sight.  I had written earlier that Italy was preparing her for India. 

Liz writes, "Far better to have rested first in Italy" (rested?  she grew . . . and I don't just mean a couple of dress sizes) "gotten my strength and health back, and then showed up.  Because, I will need that strength now."  p. 129

Apparently, they want you strong at the Ashram because life there is rigorous in all senses of the word.  I recoil at the thought of that kind of life, because I wouldn't be ready for that kind of devotion.  Or, at least, I'm not ready for that kind of devotion, yet.

"My Guru always says that only one thing will happen when you come to the Ashram - that you will discover who you really are."  p. 128-29

Self-discovery.  How many of us really want that?  How many of us truly seek it?  How many of us would rather not, because our basic, well-structured, well-manicured (or, otherwise), well-fabricated and acceptable lives are safe.  When trying to get sober, I used to say that the devil I knew was better than the God I didn't know.  We're all afraid of change.  We're afraid of the uncertainty that growth brings.  We'd rather live in the illusion of comfort, safety, control and manageability.

Liz will discover who she really is.  Then what?  I guess I'll have to keep reading to find out.  there's still a lot of praying to do and just as much loving.  She has yet to meet the alcoholic from Texas!

I hope I won't throw up a block while reading this section.  But, hell, I had all kinds of prejudice coming into reading this book.  I judged the hell out of Liz during the first few weeks in Italy.  Yet, here I am, reading with an open mind and, funny enough (considering how clamped shut it was at the beginning), hoping that my mind will stay open.  And (don't tell anybody) the book has actually had a profound effect on me. 

As far as reading about the devotion Liz writes about, I think I'm experiencing a natural reaction to something new.  I don't understand it and it sounds hard.  I think I'd rather compartmentalize it, put it on an academic shelf, look at it and examine it from a safe distance instead of step into it and experience it.  However, I've learned that experience is the greatest teacher.  Whatever happens, at least you've learned something.  Maybe, I'm afraid of what I'll learn about myself.  Maybe I'll have to face something uncomfortable or something I'm not willing to accept.  The truth is a hard thing to accept often times.  My best friend used to joke, "the truth hurts, so get used to it."

But, then again, "the truth will set you free."  Jesus said that.