Thanks to my fiancee's suggestion, I'm at the "clock tower" public library, trying to establish a new routine. I've been away from my journal for six days, if you count the coffee "club" incident; eight, if you count any real writing. It's been challenging. Packing two people into a studio already designed and decorated for one person is a challenge. The last time I lived here permanently, I was drunk.
I'm afraid we're going to get on each others' nerves. In the morning, I try to quietly step, almost Kung-Fu style, around the temporary piles of still-packed boxes, various other things that are still waiting for a place to be stored, bags of trash and recycling, the cat, shoes, errant papers and pens while trying to find my way to the couch without knocking anything precariously perched on a rare piece of flat surface onto the floor, thus adding to the mess. I breath a sigh of relief and exhale the built up tension of the journey to the "couch" as I sit with my bowl of cereal. Then, I have to wiz. Of course.
This is a scary time. Whether or not I am experiencing it, my fiancee sure is. Girls are lucky. They get to vent their feelings and then, they're done. Dude's brood. We (at least I do) hold it all in. We try to "man up" or get busy. Sometimes, I worry that I'm feeling a feeling that I really don't even know I'm feeling and it's going to cause an aneurism or a nervous breakdown or something. It's like I'm afraid and I won't even really admit it to myself.
A trusted friend of mine suggests I give this writing idea a couple of months. This is a leap of faith, then. I will leap and God will show me my wings. I'm going to fall and flap for awhile, but God will be there to either give me flight or show me how to not splat again.
Liz writes, "The other day, a monk told me, 'the resting place of the mind is in the heart. The only thing the mind hears all day is clanging bells and noise and arguments," (I can surely vouch for that! In fact, a lot of my mind's bell-clanging, noise and arguments have been recorded in this blog) "and all it wants is quietude. The only place the mind will ever find peace is inside the silence of the heart. That's where you need to go." p. 141
She was trying a new mantra: Ham-sa. "The Yogis say that Ham-sa is the most natural mantra, the one we are all given by God before birth. It is the sound of your own breath. 'Ham' on the inhale, 'sa' on the exhale."
Ham-sa means, "I am that." "I am divine, I am with God . . ."
"Meditate on whatever causes a revolution in your mind." Powerful words.
It makes me wonder, "how do I find the silence in my heart?" The silence of my heart is where I need to go? How do I get there?
Liz writes about a "blue light" experience in here meditation. I wonder if that's the same as a "white light" experience? In what I've learned while getting sober a spiritual experience is likened to a spiritual awakening. So, is a spiritual awakening like "shaktipat"? p. 145
It seems like every religion of the world has a description of this kind of experience and the kundalini shakti - true union with God - it seems. Another similarity is the "seven mansions" Liz wrote about while relating St. Teresa of Avila's spiritual experience. I assume those "seven mansions" have similarities to the "seven chakras". With just a little google research, I'm already seeing there is. A whole essay could be written about that. Some other time, perhaps.
What I'm getting at is that it just goes to show all the religions are right. They are just different paths to God. It's only the people who practice these faiths have decided that they have found the true path, the truly righteous path to God. Liz recognizes the different words, "ki", "chi", "taksu", "holy spirit" and "the beloved" all pretty much mean the same thing. p. 143
I believe all the regions of the world are as various as the languages of the world. And, as we use different languages to talk to each other, so do we use different religions and spiritual practices to talk to God. Some languages fade away into history. So do some religious practices. Does religion evolve as our understanding of God evolves? Perhaps the only religions that stick around are the ones founded on a true communion with God and his ever growing and ever changing universe; and founded on a true desire to do his work, spread love, kindness, forgiveness, tolerance, joy, healing, harmony and brotherhood in this world. And, maybe, just maybe, you can have a spiritual experience you can pass on to others. Well, I've got the whole spiritual universe figured out in my blog. You're welcome.
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