If I'm ever a single woman in Bali and I'm asked if I'm married, I'll know to answer, "not yet". Oh, and just as important, I must always know where I'm going and where I'm coming from . . . or at least have a reasonable facsimile of an answer.
Where am I going?
Funny thing, chance . . . if we really can call that anymore. My writing was broken up by the following:
At the coffee shop where I was writing, the conversation down the table got annoying. So, I headed to my good friend, the clock tower library. No sooner had I pick up writing where I had left off, but a young, college aged girl came up to me and asked if I was busy. I was writing, but, for some reason I said, "no". So, we talked. She was on spring break with her church group. And, though she asked about fun places to hang out in this area, I don't think she was really interested in that. She didn't write down any of my suggestions. So, either she had a super-human memory or she was just using the question as an ice-breaker, looking for a place to shift the conversation to Jesus. Which, eventually, she did. By the way, do college-age evangelists travel in packs? As she left, I turned to see a dude who had been sitting at the table the whole time.
Eh, who cares why she was doing what she was doing? Why should I be creeped-out or put off . . . which I wasn't really. I think she made me nervous, because she was nervous . . . which is, oddly, human for some one "spreading the word". If a person needs to "witness" to strengthen their faith, then good for them (and, I don't mean that sarcastically)! If a stranger who was in recovery walked up and did that, then I'd listen to their story.
We are all children of God. She may have been sent to me for a reason. And, while I was distracted by her youth, adventurousness, and attractiveness, I was being shown something. What? It turns out she was a writer. She was spiritual . . . well, Christian . . . which can be in the same sentence! I was shown my prejudice, my intolerance. In theory, I'm open-minded to all faiths. In practice, not so much. (I must remember what I recorded about the Hopis from the other day: the world's religions each contain one spiritual thread, and that these
threads are always seeking each other, wanting to join. When all the
threads are finally woven together, they will form a rope that will pull
us out of this dark cycle of history and into the next realm.) We're all different streams flowing into the same ocean.
My prejudice, my lack of trust is blocking me from knowing why we were put together in this moment. I wonder: why did I leave the coffee shop in the first place? Why didn't I just move? Why did she decide to come over to me of all people? Why did I say, "no" when I could have said, "yes I am busy." She still may not have left me alone. Who knows.
So, it was important to her to spread the word. It may have been the thing that keeps her alive. God's message of recovery saved my life. And, she didn't seem to be on a recruiting, converting or "saving" mission. She just needed to, perhaps, carry the message. Call it divine luck that we met.
So, the situation felt odd to me. Odd things are odd when you judge them. I ought to welcome the odd if it shakes me out of my comfort zone. So, God, why send a girl? A pretty one at that? Was it, perhaps, showing me my growth as a man and as a partner (I realized that, had I not been with my fiancee, I wouldn't have been at the library in the first place [she suggested it as a writing place])? Anyway, would I have listened to a dude carrying the message? Whatever the reason, I guess it's a good thing I was caught off guard. I had no time to steel myself, to prepare myself. I could just be me and accept what was put in front of me.
This girl was put in my path for some reason. Marco was put in Liz's path for some reason. We just don't know. All we can do is accept and make the best of the situation.
By the way, my prejudice is left over from my youth - the days of the fear-based fire and brimstone tactics thrown down from the pulpit. So, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I do still have icy prejudice and intolerance. And, prejudice and intolerance come from fear. Clearly, I'm still afraid. However, the girl left me with this:
"You are IMPORTANT.
'see what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God.'
John 3:1
Have a good day"
And, the ice melts.
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