"In the afternoon, I ride my bike down into Ketut's village, to hang out with my medicine man" (out of context, this sounds really pretentious!) "for our first day of . . . whatever it is we're going to be doing together. I'm not sure to be honest. English lessons? Meditation lessons? Good old-fashioned porch-sitting? I don't know what Ketut has in mind for me, but I'm happy to be invited into his life." p. 229 (By the way, Ketut was the medicine man we met way back on page 26 who predicted Liz would come back to Bali . . . and come back she did. He was the Yoda-like man, physically and spiritually, who drew the picture of the four-legged smiling flower creature. I mentioned it in my January 3rd entry).
Even before the eating, the praying and the loving, Liz had a sense of adventure, a desire to meet people, a social sense of adventure that I don't have (yet, maybe). But, her ability to be perfectly at ease and comfortable in a complete stranger's home is even more amazing to me. Maybe, there was something special about this man. Maybe, there was something so magical and spiritual about Ketut that it would be easy for anyone to feel comfortable there. Then again, maybe it was just right for those two to be together. He, being a medicine man, a deeply spiritual vessel of God and Liz, being a newly-learned devotee, willing to accept whatever life, love, God brings her.
Liz no longer speaks of fear. She no longer speaks of anxiety or depression. Those bastards left long ago. I'm still wracked with those things from time to time. Of course, her way of living has changed. Mine has stayed the same. But, the Meditation Festival starts next week. Maybe, there will be some clues on more peaceful living, further clues on how to be happy, joyous and free. Maybe, may path will be laid out before me. Maybe.
A man at the next table in the library is laughing. One would expect this to be annoying. And, rightly so - laughing in a serious, quiet place like the library, indeed! However, I instantly recall what Ketut says about meditation: "To meditate, only you must smile. Smile with face, smile with mind, and good energy will come to you and clean away dirty energy. Even smile in your liver . . . not to hurry, not to try too hard. Too serious, you make you sick. You can calling the good energy with a smile . . . If you have western friends come to visit Bali, bring them to me for palm reading. I am very empty in my bank since the bomb." p. 231 Good sense of humor in all this!
That's what I need. Al this "getting dark with painful struggle" is all my own making. What I want is for God to dramatically (with the proper sweeping theme music) walk me through this until I emerge triumphant on my day of reward for being a good devotee. That's probably more the reason I'm upset on the days (like today) where I oversleep. I'm afraid I'll lose favor with God and not get what I want. I haven't considered until recently to ask for the tools to get through this. I'm expecting God to carry my weeping and moaning body through all this. I'm also expecting things to magically get better.
I need a smiling liver.
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